Let me explain something.  I am not borderline personality disorder.  I am a girl.  I am someone who has an illness.  I am someone in pain, but  I am also someone who has dreams.  I am someone who loves to dance salsa.  I am someone who has run and finished  marathons.  I am someone with a masters degree.  I am someone who teaches your children.  I am someone who your children look up to.  I am someone who loves the beach. I am someone who loves animals.  I am someone who cares deeply for people.  I am someone who gets tired, is happy at times, frustrated, and all the same emotions that you have.  Why am I writing this?   I have spent so much time trying to explain Borderline Personality Disorder to people, my friends, my family…  The few people who do know, usually ignore it, but I find myself explaining constantly my reactions, how I feel blah blah blah… Even when I began writing this blog I thought perhaps people will be educated by this, but let me make it clear, I am not a doctor, I am not an expert in the clinical sense.  I am an expert in the human sense.  I can try and try and try to show you what I am thinking, what I am feeling, give you examples of my daily struggles, but it is scary to think you will never understand.  Yes, you will get a glimpse into my world of  living with BPD, but you will never really know me completely, all of me.  Some, I feel think that perhaps this blog can educate them, give them answers, but I’m sorry to say I don’t have them, I wish I did.  Not every person with BPD is a clone of the other, every human is different and everyone manifests an illness in a different way.  If you are reading about me, this is how I think, not the way all people with Borderline Personality Disorder think.  We are everyhwhere, and if you want to learn the human side of BPD then you can ask them, and I am sure they will “try” to explain;  if you are looking for a clinical explanation, try to ask doctors as I have, and they will give you their “textbook” theories and criterias and opinions, as they have given me.  But, try and ask them what the pain feels like, it would be like askng them if there is a GOD.  I am just going to explain one last thing, I am here so that you can recognize this as an illness, so that you can perhaps view one girl’s life with BPD , and I am here to show you we are human and that like all humans very different from each other…  I hope I haven’t offended anyone, it is not my intention, I appreciate the chance to let these feeling out even if it is to a computer, but truth be known, all humans suffer in some capacity, I will never really know yours, and you will never really know mine…


One Response

  1. I do not have BPD, but know someone else in my life that does. You explaining things the way you do is very insightful to others, even if you think it isn’t. I don’t want any sort of “textbook” explaination – I want to hear what it’s like for you, personally. Sometimes a more personal explaination is far better than anything you can ever find in a book. So keep up the writings if you want to, I would like to hear more about who you are and what “you” are feeling 🙂

    P.S. It’s also a well known therapy to write out what you feel, especially when you’re feeling down. You’ve been doing great…keep up the good work!

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