Dear God, Help Me…


I used to pray.  When I was 13 and the world seemed against me I stopped.  But tonight, I am praying.   I am completely frustrated at this illness and I am tired. I can no longer see right now possiblities and hope.  I am sorry to discourage anyone, it is how I am feeling right now and I need Dear God to  Help Me get through this.  I am tired, tired of everyone saying improve your life.  Improve my life?  I have been in therapy for 17 years, I have been driving two hours to go to DBT, I have been on every medication possible, read everything there is to read on BPD, yet they say, “Improve your life.”  What exactly does that mean?  I am writing resume after resume trying to change my job, I am working three jobs at once to pay off debt, I am getting up every day.  Isn’t this trying to improve my life?  I want to escape, desperately.  Just run away from stress.  Go to an island, the sunshine, me , nature, and a couple of other people, not too many, and I can’t, I can’t escape, because I will come right along with me.  I may not be making sense tonight and I am sorry, but my mind is jumbled.  So much to do to finish this battle, so much to do to try to get better and fulfill my dreams.  I’m running out of time.  And so tonight, I ask you to pray, not just for me, but for everyone in the pain of mental illness…hopefully I will have something more insightful to say tomorrow…

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6 Responses

  1. I can empathize. I hope you get some peace tonight.

  2. Hang in there! I will pray and will continue to pray for you and all those who suffer inside. … alone.

  3. I completely understand how you feel. I am so tired of people telling me to cheer up and make new friends…like it is that easy for us! If it were that easy don’t you think we would have done it by now? I wake up everyday and physically and emotionally have to convince myself to have a good day and when I get angry I have to do breathing exercises and try and keep my hands from shaking. This is hard for us. I have been listening to alot of inspirational songs and they seem to calm me down a bit. But as far as dealing with others who have no idea what we are going through and then they belittle our illness by simplifying it by saying “improve your life” or “make friends” …it is disrespectful and makes me feel insignificant.

  4. I know how you feel. I hate it when people offer trite little phrases like that. I feel like yelling “Shut up! Like you have ANY idea!”

    I’ve found it really is one day at a time… And some days are great, some are ok, and some are just plain miserable.

    I turn to music to cope, and to my writing. Both things are very therapeutic for me. When my mind is “jumbled” it kind of puts things in perspective for me.

    You’re in my prayers.

  5. hi friends…can anyone please help me in understanding a bpd person….i just want to know..how to tackle their emotional outburst and
    their mood swings…what to do…how to behave…which words i shouldn’t say at that time…many conflict evolve at that time…when i say something,he take somethingelse…i am broken..his behaviour affecting me n my relation with my friend..help me…

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