Train Tracks of My Life


I wrote this on July 4, 2007 after the breakup of my relationship with a guy that I, at the time, thought was the love of my life. He was actually incredibly wrong for me; I’m still not sure if he cheated on me or not. It was this relationship that really brought out my BPD symptoms. He told me that he had been diagnosed with Bipolar– I’m almost positive he also had BPD.

Swiftly covering frozen ground, you leave tracks around my heart; crossing the train tracks of my life. Paint my heart red; now it’s black. Black like death, black like decay, like burning ashes of my tortured mind. Don’t touch me, it will burn you. I’m going where I’ve never gone before, into the dark abyss of my mind; I’ll never come out alive. I’ll creep out like a strangled creature. I am lonely, living inside of myself. That is my world now. It already hurts; just use me again.

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4 Responses

  1. good write. often in the epitome of our desperation and destruction can we truly communicate our pain. I have felt pain similar to yours.

    But you wiped yourself off and climbed out of that darkness and you became a better person for it too.

  2. Isn’t writing so therapeutic? I love how you express yourself Lauren.

    • Thank you!
      Yes, I agree! Writing helped me a LOT during my really rough times…I found that those times were when I did my best work, too.

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