A Selection of Poems by Elizabeth A. Hughes


These poems were written by On The Borderline supporter Elizabeth A. Hughes, who has Borderline Personality Disorder.

Numb

Written December 18, 2006
Copyright 2007
This wave of nothingness came over me.
I’m trying to look, but cannot see.
Not sure the direction from which it came.
But fear I’ll never be the same.

The feelings I had have disappeared,
and been replaced by what I most fear.
This feeling, how quickly I have succumb,
to the feeling of being completely numb.

This Place
Written February 7, 2007
Copyright 2007

You don’t understand me, though I try to explain.
This place that I’m in is just so full of pain.
It’s not just a place where you can “snap out of it please.”
If that were the case, then just hand me the keys.
I’ve prayed and prayed that you’d take this away.
I hold onto the hope, that I’ll be okay.
I know what I should do to fill this time.
But this feeling of nothingness won’t leave my mind.
I try to wake up and sit silently with you.
But just waking up is a huge chore to do.
There must be a reason I’m going through this.
So I’ll do what I can to stay strong and resist.
The Battle
Written February 10, 2007
Copyright 2007

Last week the nightmare took over me,
there was no where I could run.
It’s felt as though someone has just,
blanketed the sun.
Dark, lethal thoughts had made their home,
swirling in my head.
And I reached this point, and felt as though,
I’m better if I’m dead.
The thoughts would not leave me alone,
no matter what I tried.
I was so over-run by them I felt like I had died.
I knew I could get rid of them,
with a simple little act.
I’d done it many times before,
and it’s effectiveness was fact.
The noise in my head would disappear,
if only for awhile.
And be replaced with quietness
and the start of a new trial.
The trial of facing the thoughts in my head
has only just begun.
I wonder if this agonizing battle ever will be won?

I Don’t Want to Say Goodbye
Written April 14, 2007

I’ve given you all these signs, but you have yet to get the clue.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not sure what else to do.
I often sit alone and wonder why it is I’m here.
When I try and do just what I should and all I feel is fear.
Will I have to scream and cry to get all that I need?
Do you see the hole in my heart that I’m trying hard to feed?
Can you tell I feel as though I’m standing on a cliff?
A few more steps in the wrong place and my soul will be adrift.
There hasn’t been a day gone by I don’t think about the end.
I wait here in the silence for both your hands just to extend.
It would be so easy for me just to end it all right now.
I’ve thought about the where and especially the how.
I don’t know what it is that’s making me hold on this long.
Perhaps the hope that I’ll wake up and nothing will be wrong.
Somehow I’ll make it through this, but where does the answer lie?
I’m really trying to hold on, ‘cause I don’t want to say goodbye.
“Hell”
Written May 29, 2007

How could you possibly know how I’m feeling down deep within my soul?
This sudden grip of emptiness leads me to the darkness down below.
It wasn’t but a minute before, that I had been feeling fine.
Yet now the darkness claws at me and says that “you are mine”.
It’s got a hold so tightly that I don’t think I’ll break free.
I have the strongest urge to carve into my skin, “please help me”.
The gnawing of flesh, the gnashing of teeth has made its home within my heart.
And I’m blindly running in the dark, wishing we could part.
My voice is just not strong enough there is a gag within my throat.
My hands are tied behind my back and my body is afloat.
I’m all alone in this miserable place because no one can really see.
But it’s not from others I must get away, my enemy is me.

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5 Responses

  1. I love these! They really resonate with me and I couldn’t stop reading. I really hope you continue to write more!

  2. these are sooo fantastic, unfortunately s so true at describing how we feel

  3. Thank you guys so much!!! I am realizing now that all my suffering has not been in vain!

    • That’s so true! It’s great if you can reach out to even just one person and let them know that they’re not alone, and by sharing your poetry, you’re reaching out to many 🙂

  4. Wow these really hit home. Thank you Elizabeth!

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