As Robert Frost said, “Two Roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both…”  I am standing in front of two roads in my life and must make a decision as to which to take.   I have traveled too long down the road which others wanted, to make them proud, but the road was filled with obstacles and bumps over which I kept falling.  Yet, it is the only road I know, the only road I felt safe on.  Today, it is time to make a decision, keep traveling down the same road, weary and exhausted from the journey or find another road on which to travel.  My dilemma is I have no map, I don’t now which way to go, I am standing in this yellow wood waiting for someone to guide me, point me in the right direction, all I hear are voices telling me keep going, keep going the same way, but my heart and my soul want to run a different way.   This  road has made me stagnant, like a pond, unmoving, filling with bacteria.  I want to be a river and flow, so I am sorry to all those I may dissapoint to all those I have dissapointed, but continuing to go down this dark, endless road is breaking my spirit, I have stopped walking, I am tired.  There are others who have walked the same path, and I know when they reached the end they wondered, what it would have been like to have gone the other way, perhaps they would not feel so unfulfilled,  so empty when they finally reached the end.  I want to try. As dificult as it is, as difficult as it will be, I want to see if that other road is filled with flowers, and trees, and birds soaring, butterflies… Perhaps I won’t make it, perhaps the other road is just an illusion of happiness, but do I have a choice now?  So, friends I would like some advice… I have taken the day off from work to decide how to continue, where to continue, if to continue… maybe you can be the guide I am looking for in that yellow wood?


2 Responses

  1. I don’t know the specifics of your situation, so I don’t know if I can be much of a help, but I do know that I can relate. I’ve stood at that fork of the road many times… and in a way, I’m still standing there. Especially in regards to my recovery – do I keep going along the path I know, which, while likely ultimately leading me to destruction, is a path I know? A path that is “safe” and familiar? Or do I go down this other path of healthy and recovery, which hopefully will lead to a brighter future, but that frightens me with its newness and unfamiliarity? Sometimes I find myself traveling down one path, freaking out, and running back to that fork in the road… then I have to make the decision all over again.
    It has also been this way in regards to my career. I graduated from college, got a good-paying office job, and started making plans to attend law school. Well, after failing repeatedly to make any progress with my law school goal and remaining in a dead-end job that I hated for three years, I realized I was going down a path I didn’t want to be on, but one that others expected me take.
    Now, I’m on a different path. One that is taking me where my heart wants to go – towards a career in music and writing. I am much happier on this path, although it is new, unsure, and not what “other people” might want for me.
    One thing I know. In order to get anywhere, you have to take risks and go out of your comfort zone. I love this quote by Abraham Maslow: “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” For me it feels like just getting out of bed in the morning is a risk I take. Stepping outside more door? Even bigger. But I have to do it, again and again. Choose what path I will follow, again and again.
    Go for it Fia. Do what you know in your heart is right. Take a risk… You have friends right behind you all the way. 🙂

  2. Something I heard some time ago stayed with me, and I return to this again and again when I am faced with hard choices. What matters is not which road I choose, but why I choose it. The deeper intention. There isn’t a wrong or right road I don’t think. Wherever your feet come down can be your path. Right here right now. You are the flower and the butterfly.

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