Thirst….


Water, water, everywhere

Nor any drop to drink…

Samuel Taylor Coleridge writes in The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, these 2 lines.  A crew of men on a long voyage run out of water.  Irony is they are surrounded by the sea, a body of water, which of course they cannot drink.  This is how I feel tonight, and how  have felt for most of my life.  I am surrounded by water, LIFE, but I am unable to drink it.  As I write, I am so thirsty, so thirsty to LIVE as that crew on the ship was, but I am at a loss .  Slowly, I am dehydrating, and want to dive into that body of water, swallow it, allow myself to breathe again, and unfortunately the water I am afraid will kill me.  You see, I have become helpless, helpless in my own suffering and like that crew of men I’m not sure how much longer I can sustain this suffering.   I am LOST at sea, but I am lost alone.  Surrounded by the very things I need to survive, I am so withered and beaten down, I cannot find my way back to safety, back to LIFE.  Everywhere, I look people are drinking, everywhere I look people are living, but Fia is in a corner of that ship, she cannot swim, all she can do is scream inside herself and pray to God, to save her.  I tonight am in so much pain, I have thought of jumping overboard, releasing myself from what I see as impending doom anyway.  Much of the crew has already done so, unable to withstand the torture, but I  am still here holding on waiting for that life preserver. I have been on this ship forever and tried to find salvation from dozens of means, nothing is working. So, do I drink that salt water for a moment of  feeling alive, do I keep waiting in the corner for that life preserver, or do I jump overboard?  I am yearning for water, every ounce of my body needs it for survival, noone is providing it.  To put it bluntly, DOCTORS nothing is working.  Nothing is freeing me from drying up, nothing is giving me the power to stand up, andfind my way, all your medications, all your talk are not helping me ride the waves and I am quickly losing any ounce of hope.  It is dark, I am scared, I am alone, and believe me I would sell my soul to the devil to have a fresh, sparkling, clean glass of water, but there doesn’t seem to be any, does there?  I’m not sure how much longer I can survive without the very substance needed to LIVE, yet I’m still here, waiting for a miracle, waiting to gather up the courage to turn that ship around and try in all different directions to find my way back home, back to my life and drink again….

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6 Responses

  1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU HAVE ME, I AM YOUR FRIEND, ROOTING FOR YOU, AND I HAVE FAITH IN YOU

  2. I FEEL YOUR PAIN, I LOVE YOU XX PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME IF YOU NEED TO HONEY.

  3. Fia – do I have that right? My name is Susan. Your post sounds like you are struggling – fighting a valiant fight. My war cry was the same – the pills and “talk” therapy didn’t help, even in the “specialized” therapies I didn’t find relief.

    I’m sorry you are in such pain. The one thing I held on to in the darkest times was that as long as I didn’t give up – I knew I would find my solution.

    Be in peace today.

  4. Oh Fia…
    I wish there was something I could say, something I could do to make everything better. But I feel powerless.
    All I can say is that I love you, you are not alone, and that I think of you and pray for you daily.
    Whenever I feel like I am drowning, I listen to this song, and it gives me hope. Maybe, just maybe, it will bring you a little light and comfort too…

    If you ever need me, I’m here…
    You are loved…
    Don’t give up…
    Edde

    • How do I thank you for always comforting me in your replies. I wish to one day meet this Edde who seems to care more than so called “friends.” Love to you and thanks to you.

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