Body Image

I’ve been a little nervous to put this up, but I have to speak my peace after being inspired by a recent event where I was surrounded by girls bragging about their dangerous diets in order to become thin. These are my thoughts on the beauty revolution.

  • It’s okay to be who you are. You don’t HAVE to be anything to be beautiful. You don’t NEED to change. Changing won’t make you happy. Happiness starts from the inside out.
  • Change if you want, change is good, we are our own canvas. Just make sure it’s on YOUR terms, it’s for YOU, not because you think other people will like you more or other people will think you are beautiful, do it because YOU think it’d be a good change or more flattering. Just be safe and healthy and love yourself every step of the way.
  • You CAN be over-weight and be healthy.
  • We come in all shapes and sizes, there is no perfect.
  • Love every imperfection, if you can open your eyes to all that you are, have faith that others will too. Someone WILL love the parts of you that are imperfect.

Love yourself, be happy, you deserve it, join the revolution

Love, annieelainey


I came across this post written by fevers-n-mirrors, and I thought I’d share it with you:

Why are people so obsessed with putting labels on themselves??

Don’t we complain and get angry whenever someone, or society in general, attempts to label us as ‘this’ or ‘that’?
Then why do we do it to ourselves?!?!?!

I mean, I truly can understand how giving a name, a classification, to whatever ‘symptoms’ you’re suffering from, can help you understand what you’re going through better, and in turn, it can help you treat it.

BUT, can such extreme emotions and behaviors really be fully contained under a ‘label?’

As a human being, I know I don’t fit perfectly into any box… you can’t contain me, my life, my emotions, under a label. That’s freaking ridiculous. For every symptom, every emotion I experience, that can be explained by my diagnosis’, or a label someone slaps on me…there’s always something else that just doesn’t fit.

Why? Because I am not that label!!! I’m me… a living and breathing human being… the specifics and driving forces behind my struggles are unique to me… only I exist as me, and that is my label. I am ME!!!!!!

People end up clinging to their labels, to these diagnoses’ that are supposed to explain them, and too often it keeps them from getting better. They won’t seem to let it go. If you only identify yourself with your sickness, or if you identify too strongly with it, you let it become your identity, or too big a part of it. What are you without your identity? NOTHING. You’re nothing. So you keep clinging to it, because if you let it go, when you open your clenched fists, you’re left with nothing to show. NOTHING.

So, you cut… you’re not ‘a cutter’…
So, you have a mental illness… you’re not that mental illness…
So, you have an eating disorder… you are not the eating disorder…

These are labels that describe your struggle… and labels are vague. They are not all-encompassing.

You are not these things. You are not these things. You are not these things.

You are not confined to an existence with them. You are not living a life that will ineviatbly lead to the projected course of whatever you’re struggling with.

Stop looking at yourselves through the filter of these labels.
Start viewing yourselves as an individual who has power over these things.
They are not you, and they do not get to decide the course of your life.
They don’t get to decide on your happiness.
They don’t get to decide your fate.


It’s your choice whether or not you dwell on your disorder.
It’s your choice to immerse yourself in it.
It’s your choice on whether you let it consume you completely.

It’s your choice.
You decide!

Me? I refuse to accept any of these labels.

You’re The Bad Guy

I’ve had a lot of problems in relationships: friends, boyfriends, acquaintances, etc. As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, I experience narrow judgement on the opposing person, based on the last thing they did. My impression of them is always based on my last memory of them, rather than the whole ‘first impressions last forever’ saying. Someone offered me lunch, they were good. Someone else got into an argument with me, they were bad. There is no middle. It’s one or the other. Opposite ends of the pole.

Someone could be my best friend. We could have talked for hours on the phone, borrowed and lent out money with each other, gone clubbing together. But if we get into an argument, I immediately become scarred. I constantly remind myself of the last event. And everything else just looks like a very distant past that was forever lost.

I can’t be hurt by someone I was attached to and see them as a ‘good’ person. Even if I’m aware of my feelings being irrational and distorted from my BPD, I can’t change the way I feel about it. It kills me. I become scared. Literally, like a small animal, bewildered at a bunch of humans trapping it in a corner. I fear for myself, and I see them as the ‘bad guy.’ Maybe it is part of regression to get stuck in such a undeveloped thought process, but thats how it is with me.

This is a good YouTube animation on BPD:

Mental Health Hero: Hannah

My name is Hannah and I started Defeat Depression. I created Defeat Depression after my own experiences with depression as a teen and as a young adult. DD is all about raising awareness about teen and young adult depression, while helping those in need. We talk to everyone that sends us a message via Myspace or Facebook. DD’s slogan is, “We will overcome it,” and together I believe we can overcome the daily obstacles depression puts into our lives.

Defeat Depression on Facebook

Defeat Depression on Myspace

Defeat Depression on Twitter

Angry Rose

red roses

Image by paparutzi via Flickr

NOTE: This is something that I wrote on July 4th, 2007. Keep in mind that this was written during one of the most difficult parts of my life, and it may be triggering.

Angry Rose by Lauren

Terror is as terror does; an angry rose has many thorns. Don’t rub me the wrong way. Your skin will break and I’ll feel your blood; thorns cut flesh. Take me tonight, don’t make everything all right. Tie me up, these bonds can break. Rules can break, fools can break. Bonds broken by fools. My poison rushes through your veins, there’s no escape. Cut me once; I’ve lost all feeling. Rub me the wrong way, it has no meaning. Take me tonight, don’t make everything all right. Tie me up, leave me to die, I’ll use my own poison against me. The poison wasn’t you, it was me. Bonds can break but poison flows forever.

Sometimes….(my feelings as a child)


As I have been on vacation for the last two weeks, I have not written, yet today I feel the need to rid myself of the turmoil inside since I have gotten back.  I am desperate.  I am suffocating.  I am  being strangled by an invisible force that won’t let go.   Why now?   I travel constantly and each time, I find happiness, peace, serenity, FRIENDS.  From the moment I am up in the air to the second I say goodbye to my newfound friends, I am euphoric.  My days away by the ocean, or in a new city, where no one knows me, where at first I am all alone, are spent without the DEMONS that haunt me every waking moment in my home.  I can walk the beach alone, I can eat in a restraunt alone and feel completely FREE.  My enviornment is slowly KILLING me.  On this last vacation I quickly made friends with people who didn’t care about my money, or my fancy car or fancy clothes, or the materialistic things that bind me here.  I talked with strangers and felt like I knew them a lifetime, I danced with strangers and felt connections that escape me here.  I lay by the ocean, my body and soul free from the BLACK SPIDER that chases me here every waking moment…  The second I boarded the plane back to New York, the pain was so great, I wanted to flee back to the safety of the friends I had made, back to enjoying LIFE.  Today, the pain has worsened because I am aware that LIFE can be BEAUTIFUL and that there are people who think like me, to enjoy every second…which in New York seems impossible.   Today, I am a caged animal labeled as BORDERLINE.  On vacation I was me, fun, outgoing, kind, cheerful, tranquil.  The stressors in my life here are overwhelming, to say the least.  I am a walking robot, as the millions of walking robots I see in my city.  In telling my adventures on vacation, others comments were INVALIDATING to say the least, “YOU’RE CRAZY…”   Am I?  Am I the one who is crazy because I don’t fit your description of normal society standards?  Am I the one who is crazy because I know there is more to life than living to work?  Am I the one who is “CRAZY” because I don’t act like you?  Am I the one who is crazy because I love people, human connection, instead of sitting here throwing my thoughts out into cyberspace?  Is it me?    No judgement calls here, however your judgements are destroying me (and by “your,” I am refering to society).  Frankly, I am exhausted of the label, I am exhausted of the judgement calls, I am exhausted of society’s rules and norms…I am human, looking for REAL LIFE, LOVE, PEACE…so then I ask who exactly is the “crazy” one?   I have no regrets of my behavior during my time away from this “WORLD.”  Judge me if you wish, but I am merely a girl looking for a paradise…