Change Your Thoughts

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” -Norman Vincent Peale

I found this quote the other day, and immediately fell in love with it because I believe it to be absolutely true! I recently posted the quote on our Facebook page, and here’s what one of our page’s members had to say:

“It doesn’t matter what thought you start with. As to how I challenge mine– for example, one thing I’m always having to challenge is the idea that if someone’s mad at me, it means they’re going to walk out of my life and that they don’t like me. So I challenge myself by reminding myself that this isn’t fact (even if it has been my experience in the past, it’s not a predetermined fact of what will happen in the future). And then, if I can, I find examples of people who’ve been mad at me before and are still in my life, or times I’ve been angry at someone I love (and haven’t left).”

After I found the quote, I knew that I wanted to write a blog post on the topic of changing your thoughts. As I was searching the internet for possible points to add, I found a good article by Steven Aitchison called “8 Destructive Thinking Patterns and How to Change Them.” In the article, he describes the eight limiting patterns of thinking, which are:

  • “Life is shit” thinking pattern
  • “Unsubstantiated conclusive” thinking pattern
  • “Never to me” thinking pattern
  • “The negative psychic” thinking pattern
  • “Should, would, could” thinking pattern
  • “Emotion based” thinking pattern
  • “It’s all my fault” thinking pattern
  • “They’re all wrong” thinking pattern

I won’t go into detail describing them here, so definitely check out the article to learn about them!

The article goes on to tell you the stages to change the destructive thinking patterns:

  1. Recognize the problem
  2. Be aware of when you are using destructive thinking patterns
  3. Replace the bad with the good

I highly recommend this article, so check it out! I know that changing the way that I thought helped me out a lot in life, and I hope it helps you, too!

Let’s Discuss:

How does the quote above pertain to your life? Have you changed any of your thoughts in a positive way? If so, how did you do it?


Now What?

And so, someone got it right… somehow medications I have been given have lifted the pain inside, yet I continue to stay in bed.  Having had this pain my whole life I am unsure now who Fia is?  She was sick, always crying, emotions ruled her, but now the crying is different, for she doesn’t know how to rebuild her life, where to start, where to go, who to be.  Decisions have always been made for her, so she is incapable of making one afraid of taking a risk for hapiness, not even knowing what will make her happy.  I’ve been given the life preserver I’ve always wanted, yet I don’t know how to swim… I don’t know if this is temporary or if I have found the magic cure through medication, but I do know that it is even more confusing now, because there is hope to live without torture.  So, this blog wil be short because I’m not even sure whatto write without pain, but it’s ironic wth it I was fighting for a better life, without it I don’t know what that entails….

Mother Dearest….

I speak alot about my mother.  As much as I have been hurt by her in the past, I have nothing but adoration for her, love empathy, and a relentless desire for her happiness, sometimes costing me my own.  Tonight, I finally got my proof, that yes my mother suffers from borderline personality disorder, has suffered, but in her limited knowledge about such things refuses to admit it, get help for it, get some peace.  As you all must know by now I’m a dreamer… as a little girl I dreamed of making my mother’s life easier,she  was so tormented by fear, worry, stress, loneliness and I saw it, I felt every minute of it.  So, I dreamed, when I grow up I’m going to make enough money to make mommy happy, buy her a house in Italy next to her family. take her on vacations to see the world (my mother is claustrophobic and afraid of planes but bares it enough when she wants to go back to her home, where she was born, where she smiles….)  Well, I screwed up didn’t I?  I never did make enough money to buy her that house, instead I spent it on myself escaping in travel, never thinking of you mommy… I have had a couple of weeks of unyielding suffering, and tonight it brought me to a psychiatrist office again, looking for that bandaid to cover up the boo boo in my soul.  Mommy came with me.  She always does.  Every hospital visit, every doctors visit, every freakin time I cry there she is wiping my tears.  And so, I went into the office with her, I hide nothing from my mother now, for years I did, but there is no hiding anymore.  And as much as I love her, my mothe is a trigger, the drives to the dr’s offices are filled with worry, “Watch out”, “Drive slower”, “This guys going to hit you”, etc… anxiety… fear explodes out of her in a simple car ride.  As much as I love her I feel she is my trap, my cage.  Animals taken out of the wild, put in a cage in the zoo, experience something called “zoochosis.”  “Thousands of zoo animals held in artificial environments with little stimulation, enrichment or opportunity to hide from the public gaze, display unnatural behaviour patterns. Even in the ‘better’ zoos, abnormal behaviour can be widespread, and include repeated pacing, rocking, vomiting and even self mutilation.”  I have read about animals banging their heads against the cages in despair, even chewing their limbs, they are “trapped.”  That is how I feel.  And this is what I told the psychiatrist, and this is what Ihave told my mother repeatedly… I feel like a bird in a cage that needs to be set free.  She knows I want to move, she tells me to do so, that if I am happy she will be happy, but I know the truth, I know what it’s like to leave someone with BPD… and so tonight she fianlly showed me how she really feels.   She began crying when we left.  “What have I done to all of you that makes you want to leave me?”  “Why doesn’t anyone want to see me anymore?”  You see, my sister, left many years ago, denying anything wrong with my mom, she lives in Italy, and my brother well he lives close, but he has eft emotionally.  GUILT froze me.  How could I ever leave her?  How could I leave my mother and be where I want to be?  I think as much as she wants peace for me and she does.. she prays to Padre Pio every night for me, she wants me close, what will she do without all the drama?  What will she do without the doctors visits?  What will she do without the chaos that is my life?  Yes, she is grown and has lived her life, no, she has survived her life, but I wish for her to live, before I can, I wish for her to turn off the TV and visit friends.  I wish for her to stop sleeping on the couch and stop chewing on her  limbs…  So, I am torn.  I am torn between leaving, and when I say leaving I am thinking of moving far away, or staying here, which keeps me caged up… Mother Dearest, I love you, you are not the reason I want to unlock the cage, but I want, NEED to be free, free from worrying about you, free from having you worry about me, free from the pain  that binds us.   You are a beautiful soul and I want peace for you, even more than for myself, but I am not God and I cannot save you, as you have not been able to save me..   Call it codependence, call it enmeshemnt, label it as you like, but for my mother dearest and I the pain is a bond we share that keeps us stagnant, but I know one of us must find the key and unlock the cage…

Recovery Doesn’t Happen All At Once

I recently posted a status on Facebook about how I was frustrated that people kept telling me that if I wasn’t happy with my life, I needed to make a change, when I already AM making a change– I have been in remission for almost a year, and now I’m taking the first step at making my life better. I was frustrated that they seemed to want me to do everything all at once- I’m doing the best that I can, and I wish they realized that. Here’s a message that one of my Facebook friends sent me and allowed me to share with all of you– I thought it might be especially helpful to show to your loved ones.

I am not an expert in anything except for my own life’s difficulties. Let me just say that recovery and reclaiming balance in our lives does not happen in a linear pattern like that of a staircase–stepping up constantly and consistently and predictably. No, rather our recovery comes in waves, some smooth and others radical–but waves no the less.

It is next to impossible for most other people (non-mental illness) to grasp the gravity and depth of our struggle, our tragedies, nor celebrate the milestones of triumphs. We are expected to just become better in the same way we flip a light switch. Of course we know that our light switches are wired slightly different–whether it be bipolar, borderline, schizophrenia, anxiety, or depression.

Because our wiring is different from others, we will live our lives under the spotlight and microscope of others who feel we are not as we should and could be, and carry the expectations that we change as soon as we discover a diagnosis and hit two therapy sessions.

Well, it doesn’t work that way for most of us. We have become who we are because of genetics and our environment which has taken now –how many decades??? While change is certainly possible and recognizably desirable, we still must work hard and long to make the changes at our own pace and in our own ways.

Unfortunately, for many, the recovery process is hindered by the very people who want to see it the most. As we become educated about the illnesses, symptoms, relapse triggers, warning signs, and crisis, it becomes our responsibility to educate our loved ones, family and friends about all these issues as well.

Be strong for yourself, be proud of and for yourself. Be well– you’re worth it.